Palm Beach Therapy Center – Boca Raton, FL
Throughout the years, I have noticed that many individuals often seek immediate change and satisfaction. We lack patience. This is something I have become aware of in my personal life as well as my professional career. People like to see fast results. When clients call to make an appointment it is likely that they are unhappy in their current form of reality and are seeking help in order to transform their behavioral patterns, thought processes, relational dynamics, etc. Each client is unique and each problem is different, and so I find myself wondering why do so many individuals feel the need to reach a specific outcome immediately or in a very shortened amount of time?
There is no need to rush through your life. All things will come at the right moment and at the right time.
Now, I cannot tell a lie, I too am guilty of this rush-rush mentality. However, I have also noticed that habits (good or bad) take a long time to form, and therefore, I believe will take at least some time to transform. When people finally realize that they are unhappy in their current life, it is likely that they have experienced a negative change and have noticed that that change has been ongoing for quite some time. The negative change that they have experienced has become evident in their daily routine and perhaps intrusive in their functioning; these individuals may even notice that their emotions, behavioral patterns, and relationships are “unchanging,” thereby forcing people to feel stuck. As anyone knows, being stuck is not a good place to be…it can be quite uncomfortable and people tend to become fearful, anxious, sad, depressed, easily irritable, hopeless, and resentful. These are all difficult emotions to sit with and to process, so it is understandable that we want change to come as quickly and painlessly as it possibly can. However in order to welcome change we must be patient and persistent in attaining small reachable goals. And above all, don’t be so hard on yourself or your progress! You are in fact your own worst critic. By placing unrealistic expectations on yourself, you may actually be setting yourself up for failure and then judging yourself in such a negative way.
Just because you feel stuck in a certain situation or relationship, does not mean that you are incapable of changing and becoming exactly who you would like to be. Change is very possible, especially when an individual is committed to that change. However, I will let you in on a little secret…Change takes time. Each person has the ability to change in a day, a month, a year, or many years. The time tends to vary depending on each individual, circumstance, and level of commitment…but one thing we know for sure is that time is involved in some way. This leads to our second life lesson.
“Patience is not simply the ability to wait – it’s how we behave while we’re waiting.” – Joyce Meyer
Have you ever heard of the saying: “Patience is a virtue?” Well, it just so happens that it’s true! Results do not happen immediately, especially when individuals become lost and overwhelmed in their “stuck patterns.” Placing unnecessary pressure to achieve a specific goal in a set timeframe will only hurt the process of change and limit any chance of maneuverability in life. This may then lead to feelings of discouragement and disappointment, which only increases those “stuck patterns.” Instead of worrying about the future or creating unrealistic expectations, it may be helpful to remain mindful of the current situation – even if it is uncomfortable. In fact it may even be useful to encourage and welcome the discomfort. Some of you may be thinking: “What? You want me to sit comfortably in my discomfort?” The answer is Yes! By welcoming mindfulness, you may discover many things about yourself. You may find that yes you are not where you would like to be, however, you may also find that you have a better understanding of where you would like to be and what needs to happen in order for you to get there. You may then notice what has been helpful for you in the past and what else needs to occur in order for you to reach the next obtainable goal. Randy Armstrong stated, “Worrying does not take away tomorrow’s troubles. It takes away today’s peace.” This is true; however, I further believe that mindfulness has the ability to produce peace and take away tomorrow’s troubles. Be patient, and focus on the small accomplishments that bring you one step closer to achieving that change you desire so much. Maybe even do something you truly enjoy in order to pass the time…pick up a new hobby, read a new book, go try a new class, spend time with your loved ones. You may be pleasantly surprised when you finally wake up one morning and realize your “problem” is no longer there because…well, your thoughts have changed, your goals have changed, you have changed. Change often occurs when you least expect it, so stop expecting it and focus on the things that are important to you, the things that make you happy.
If you would like to learn more about mindfulness and how it has been scientifically proven to actually change the way your brain functions, check out this link from the Harvard Business Review: Mindfulness Can Literally Change Your Brain. These authors state “Mindfulness should no longer be considered a “nice-to-have” for executives. It’s a “must-have”: a way to keep our brains healthy, to support self-regulation and effective decision-making capabilities, and to protect ourselves from toxic stress.” If you would like to learn more about how to apply mindfulness in your daily routine please take a look at this link: Benefits of Mindfulness.
